Are you Liar's Club material?
You meet someone new and sexy at a party. You...:
flirt as best you can, then go home and wait by the phone for a week.
slip your number into the front of his pants with two fingers while your tongue examines his tonsils.
follow him home at a discreet distance, go through his garbage and tap his phone line. If he passes your stringent requirements, you call him.
follow his date to the bathroom and make her cry with fake stories about all the drag queens you've seen him with lately. Then take him home and feed him breakfast.
You lose the last black sweater on the rack to a woman who hip-checked you on the way into the sale. You...:
buy a pink one instead.
sneak it out of her cart while behind her in the checkout line.
Investigate her thoroughly, tip off the IRS, then pick up the sweater at the yard sale she holds to pay her back-taxes.
throw down right there in the store and end up with half a sweater and another blot on your extensive rap sheet.
Your next door neighbor always lets his dog poop on your lawn. You...:
pick up the poop yourself and never say a word.
get in his face every morning at 5 a.m. with a pooper-scooper and a baggie.
videotape him letting his dog poop, and while you're at it, you get a few shots of him cheating on his wife and siphoning gas from the neighbors' SUVs, then anonymously send copies to everyone in town.
collect the poop for a month and leave it in a giant flaming paper bag on his doorstep.
You want to pass a test in your night class. You...:
study diligently and cross your fingers.
sit behind the smart guy and distract the teacher with your cleavage while you cheat.
break into the classroom the night before the test and inscribe the answers onto your desk using ink you invented that can only be seen using the special tinted lenses in your glasses.
blow off the test and party that night instead, resigning yourself to another year of waitressing at Hooter's.
Your child's scout leader sometimes smells suspiciously like pot. You...:
Transfer your child out of the troop and never say a word to anyone.
Rat him out to his wealthy, pillar-of-the-community-with-ties-to-the-mob father-in-law.
Set up an elaborate sting operation that nets you not only the scout leader, but the dealer, the distributor and the Nicaraguan kingpin. Then anonymously turn the whole mess over to the law and watch the bastards go down.
Transfer your kid out of the troop, but hit the leader up for his dealer's number.
You pass an accident on the road. You...:
drive on by, not willing to intrude on people's privacy.
slow down to look regardless of the fact that you're screwing up traffic for miles back.
pull over up the road and sneak back through the bushes carrying your latex gloves and home-made CSI kit.
pop a breath mint and smile at the officers as you go by, tucking your fifth beer under your purse. The next day you check the obits to see if any great new apartments have come up for rent.
The bookstore near the elementary school starts to sell adult books and movies. You...:
move to a better school district.
start a very public, very noisy community drive to get the place closed down.
the owner meets with a mishap that no one doubts is an accident. You claim to be as astonished as anyone else. The store reopens as a bridal shop.
throw a Malotov cocktail through the front window before anyone can rent a video and recognize you from your days as 'Silky Underall'.
A man in black knocks on your door and tells you that you've been selected to join an elite group of spies. You...:
frown in confusion and tell him that you don't bake 'pies'
laugh in his face and shut the door so you can call all your friends about the loser in leather.
ask him what took him so long?
tell him you don't care, but he's cute so he can come in and stay for breakfast.
Copyright 2004, Celeste Bradley
web design by
High Rock Interactive
